Kirk .A. Inniss

Stereotypes and Facts.
Jul 30, 2007 7:23PM

I visited a deli a few days ago and saw Machel Montano HD (High Definition), wining low with a very happy young lady. It was front page of The Express. Yes we get The Express here too, but I avoid them the way I avoid Port-of-Spain General Hospital. An Express here is a dollar and yes I talking US. And is always a few days late. Most of the times I just offer it a courtesy glance. I not paying money to read no assness when I could very well get it on the internet in real time for free. You see getting the assness does not bother me. Neither is paying for it. It’s paying for assness while it late that is the problem. I might buy a Monday Express on Monday for a dollar. Might. But a Monday Express on Wednesday evening? Give me a cotton-picking chance.

So as I was saying, I see we boy Machel on the front page and couldn’t help but smile. You see a few days earlier I read that there was a warrant for his arrest (in real time too). The reason was not what I initially expected. It was for slapping somebody outside some event around Carnival. Now this is where the stereotype in me kick in. Machel might hold a fete and the stage might collapse, yes. He might hold another fete and cause traffic jam for hours and up-set non-feters that can’t get to and from their house as they proceed with non-feters business, yes. He might even be in Zen while people fighting outside, yes. But Machel in a fight, slapping people and with Kernel Roberts too? Nah man. Not them fellas. I was sure too that when the Zen mark buss the first time here, that the winer with the under-age girl was Machel. And that is not stereotype. That is fact. When you think about soca stars getting on bad in a fete you don’t automatically see pictures of Sonny Man and The Roaring Lion. No you see bad-boy Machel. In High Definition too. 

Honestly though this is not to take anything from Machel, but he is no bad-john. And this is not to give anything to Bunji either. But if I hear Bunji and Bengi slap up a man by Lucky Bakery in Arima I will laugh and say, “Dem fellas eh easy nah.” And I will believe the report. Again not stereotype, but fact. Bunji have some bad-john songs and to me yes he could slap a fella or two for some assness like throwing Guinness on he Clarks. Clarks expensive no ras and Guinness stains don’t come off so. 

So I had a big argument with a lady over this stereotype and facts thing. I made the mistake of saying that Black people drink more hard liquor than wine. Notice that there is a difference between saying that Black people drink more hard liquor, as opposed to saying only hard liquor. Don’t even bother to ask why I carry about a conversation like that in the first place. But anyway that comment piss the lady off like if I cuss she “mudda”. She reasoned that we Black people only giving the other races ammunition for we own kind. I was appalled to say the least and stinking vex to say the most. My reasoning was even more simple: Growing up did your mother have a bottle of Chardonnay in the kitchen or a bottle of rum? She start to fumble so I take charge. The first bottle of wine you see was Merlot or Red Label? Still on a roll I offered a fake smile. And that same wine did you drink it or use it for cake? I seeing the end now so I talking loud and pointing my finger accusing like we in court. And the first name that you associated with alcohol was Fernandes or Robert Mondavi? Again seeing that no answer was forth coming, I closed my case the best way, “Look woman, haul yuh ass eh!” 

I myself have been stereotyped before, in fact many times. Someone once told me that I don’t like Indian people. You could guess that I was appalled to say the least and stinking vex….right. That started because I stated that I hated Indian Movies, and Indian Variety, and Mastana Baha, and Music Box, and the list long. The person said that it sounded like I hated everything Indian. I had to of course mention that at least I like doubles. My accuser then didn’t know how wrong he was and that my family has more Indian than the UNC, but his opinion about me was already formed. I was glad that I did not mention that I hated Kung Fu movies too, because the actors’ mouth never moved in time with the actual words. God forbid that I get accused of hating Orientals as well. I guess that is how most people are anyway and even I am guilty of forming an opinion before all the facts.  

There are many more stereotype and fact scenarios and most people know them, even if they never realized. When you hear about serial killers in the news who do you think off? Yes, white people right? Nobody ever imagines that it might be a Chinese man that playing the ass. The person might be Black, maybe, but highly unlikely. Truth though is that they really are mostly white. That is a fact. The same goes for most terrorist too. When you hear about terrorist acts you automatically see a certain race and a certain religion. And when the facts come in we are almost, always right. I have a friend that insists that he becomes more aware when he traveling and notices hijabs and long beards. I was about to point out that he was stereotyping, but he brushed me off. In his opinion, if there are only two seats on a plane and the choice is between a Mexican in tight clothes and a Pakistani with “a long beard,” he taking his chances with the Mexican. In his foolish attempt at logic, I almost thought that he made sense. 

I hope though for the sake of Carnival that Machel have better logic when it is time to defend his actions. It might be me too, but Machel look like he really need a bush-bath. I mean every year it seems like he making headlines for the wrong reasons. And yes he still making music too, but for every good hit, he seems to have a bad headline. I hope that he know that it have no recording studio in Golden Grove and he might very well be the first person in High Definition in High Court. 

Anyway people I have to get going now, just reading the Express online in real time and seeing the assness ahead: Manning and Jack Warner playing friends for now. As usual I am appalled to say the least and stinking vex…Politicians make strange bed-fellows, but even better jack-ass. That I assure you is not another stereotype, but fact. 

The writer of this piece is planning to sell hacksaw blades to prisoners in Golden Grove. Machel Montano gets his for free, in High Definition of course.  

Hardcore Trini to the Bone….Still.

Jun 21, 2007 6:01PM

 

I am not a betting man, but I would have taken the chance and bet that the people involved in the JFK Terror Plot were not from Trinidad. I would not have bet on Guyana either, but better them than we, as the saying goes. Maybe by the time the dust clear  Kareem Ibrahim might be really guilty, but I am doubting.

 

I heard this a few hours after it happened. I will say this though, my first thought was that if a Trini involved with anything that concerning an airport it have to be money. I was still having flashbacks of the airport scandal and I thought that them fellas feel they could pull a Piarco Fiasco in JFK. I was duly informed by a good friend that it had something to do with a gas-line, not money or any racket like that.

 

Again, unfazed I suggested that the fellas involved must have been trying to hook-up free gas for a restaurant they have. Gas here my friends, is one of the few things we have up on these Americans. The only other thing might be condensed milk, but that is for another time. The price anywhere, for any kind is ungodly. Even pitch-oil expensive. I remember gas being $3 plus a gallon right, somewhere around that, it have no gas station to confirm that in City Gate okay? Well is the same thing here and we talking US. I don’t have to tell you that a week full up here, could pay the monthly installment on a B15.

 

My friend, clearly annoyed by now, explained the whole plot as he got it from CEE, EEN, EEN. It was right there that my doubt started. I know of no Trini that would blow up a gas-line, between an airport and a community, for a cause. Which is the same as saying for free. And that might still cause the jail sentence that you sure to get on Riker’s Island. Or somewhere far less exotic. So I pointed that out. The conversation went like this, or close:

“Boy you playing mad or wha? Which Trini you know blowing up ah gas line one, and fuh free too?” That was my reasoning.

“Is fuh the cause boy. Them fellas is real Muslim.”

“Yeah, the same ones dat so bad dey had to rent a terrorist from the middle east to blow up the police station fuh de coup?”

“Eh heh? Is rent dey rent a terrorist?”

“Yeah when Bakr ask for a volunteer, man start talking bout dey chirren and dey guyl. One man even start talking bout how he had a sue-sue han tuh colleck dat same week.”

“Yuh like too much assness yes.”

“Boy I telling yuh the truth. Muh pardner brother uncle had a friend that here somebody talking bout dat.”

“So yuh telling me dat dem terrorist more organized than Caricom and the CSME?”

 

I laughed then. I rather not be on the CIA watch list with this talk and I advised my friend of that. Needless to say, I had my doubt, Trini to the bone yes, but terrorist? Not a cotton-picking chance. You mean do that assness and not even have the luxury of being home for a next Carnival? Terrorist go to Guantanamo Bay and not Golden Grove as they might think. And I am sure that it real hard to slip in a box of KFC or a cell phone out there.

 

The sad thing though is that by the news reports it really sounds like Trinidad is the problem and that we harbor Muslim terrorist. Initial reports actually stated that the men are Trinidadians. To date I have seen no correction that point out the men are from Guyana and I might have to pursue that matter on my own. They already say that we too laid back, like to party too much, don’t take nothing serious and feel we is the best. All that with the present crime wave and now we have terrorist too. With the present negative feed-back the country getting I can tell you now that Trini passengers might soon be on the no-fly list: Right after hand grenade, but before Puncheon Rum.

 

I being a hardcore Trini to the bone. I have a Vincey friend that end up making a bad joke with me over this thing:

“So oryuh hidin terrorist now eh?”  He stated.

“Hull yuh ass eh.” That was my reply. Sorry to be so hard because he is a good friend, but I hardcore, (no not like Sampson Nanton), but I know you guys get the point. And I wearing my West Indian shirt one day and my Trini the next. Hardcore.

 

In the end I say let we let this thing blow over and the Government should insist on a clarification of the embarrassment that these Guyanese bring. As it is they not only over –charging for belt and underwear on Charlotte Street, they have terrorist that playing hide and seek in we own back yard too. They making we look bad, to the rest of the world and our only consolation might be for Machel Montano HD to hold a Anti-Terrorist Fete…in Zen. I still can’t believe that this Russell Defreitas at 63, rather spend his pension on bomb making materials, instead of Centrum Silver.

 

I also suggest that people with the names Ali, Baskh, Mohammed, Khan etc, save their Embassy money until December. You stand a better chance then, because they do profile no matter what they say.

 

So my friends until the next time, Stay Gold.

 

The writer of this piece now have two Guyanese to planass, the terrorist mastermind Russell Defreitas and  Ramnaresh Sarwan.

The Internet Jumbie
Mar 18, 2007 10:55 PM

So Machel win Road March. Again. Iwer win Soca Monarch. Again. Carnival come back and gone and I missed it all. Again. And here I am one more time. Again. It’s been a long time I know. In my last letter Christmas and the ham and grog was some weeks away. Carnival itself was a far of prospect and hopeful masqueraders were still doing their laps around the Savannah, trying to lose enough pounds to fit in a costume that big enough to fit in a Payless shoe box and was costing more than a fortnight pay.

Christmas was three long months ago and I can hardly remember it. I had my grog, (no pork for this Rasta!), that much I can say. And that was that. Christmas away from home needs little comment, trust me. I would have given almost anything for a piece a black cake, sweet and sticky on your fingers and with enough rum that with a slice and a shot a Black Label you good. Instead I had a slice of Betty Crocker box cake and a Budweiser. Merry-cotton-picking-Christmas.

Then Carnival came and I tried my best to tune out. Sure I heard a few Soca tunes over the radio, slipping in like South American prostitutes over the Gulf. And I, like the coast guards choose to ignore them. The Soca I talking about, not the prostitutes, because that is another story. I only allowed myself to really tune in when Carnival was done so it hardly mattered. I got the results and even collected a copy of Soca Monarch Finals. Iwer mash up the place with Fete and I must admit that as much as I dislike Iwer for his lack of actual lyrics in a song, the song catchy. Of course though as a consolation Machel will be holding a big fete in Madison Square Garden on Friday. Almost sold out already and I imagine the Jumbie will be in New York. Machel fever going up like new buildings in town.

The Machel Jumbie I could deal with though, but I am losing patience with the Internet Jumbie. You see I have written many letters and little notes over the last few months, all as well thought about e-mails. But some how every time I hit the send key the e-mails go somewhere. Not to the intended recipients, hell no. Somewhere far more exotic, in cyber space or hell or where ever, missing e-mails go. And here I was all this time thinking that nothing could be worse than TTPost. I swear that they could lose your letter in the little space between the back room and the mailman bag. And they of course give snail-mail a whole new name. But at least a missing letter stills allows you to walk down by the post office and getting on like a real ass, never mind that is your own damn fault that you spell the address wrong. You foolishly thinking that Francis Street, Lane, Boulevard is the same blasted place. Not for a minute thinking that it might have a place of the same name behind God back.

In cyber space though it have nobody to cuss. But yourself, for not writing the damn thing in word and saving it in the first place. Which for the record is what I am doing now. I will not waste a another hour writing an e-mail for some Jumbie to take, for whatever reason. And while there must be a reason, I cannot see how me complaining about high beer prices and Trinidad problems might be of interest to a Jumbie. Unless he is a Trini or beers expensive in cyber space too. But I swear I have no idea where these letters go but it has me concerned. And yeah pissed of too. Do you ever wonder where those attachments that you took forever to add go? Or do you ever get e-mails that should have an attachment but it’s empty? Pictures that never opens? Exactly.

While I’m on the topic of pictures let me just say that I don’t like them. There is no explanation that I can offer, it’s like people who don’t like milk or white bread. I just don’t like pictures and I avoid taking them as much as I can. Unless it’s for an institution where I have no choice: ID cards, passport, Golden Groove…okay not the last one, but really only the ones that I need.

I see no reason to pose for pictures just because. That is why my Hi5 profile has no pictures and why I don’t look at other people photos either. Why would I pose in the snow to show that to you, in Trinidad with the weather hot enough to fry bacon on the pavement? What does that picture do for you? Or even better what does that do for me? Why would I want to see you wining low in a Carnival band, with two women, one on each side and two seemingly cold Carib beers, one in each hand? What does that do for me, watching the sun blazing down and the grin on your face as you stroll the length and breadth of Maracas, waves in the background, sky clear and blue? Is that suppose to cheer me up? Am I suppose to look at those pictures and think what a lucky sucker you are while I nurse a six-week old cold and a Budweiser? Give me a cotton-picking chance. I won’t be sending any pictures either snail-mail or e-mail and I won’t be updating my profile. Makes no sense giving the Jumbie more to take.. or laugh at for that matter. Sorry. But I still look the same if that is any consolation.

Anyway if the Jumbie allows, I will try to post a new letter every Sunday/Monday. I might be late a few times, bear with me. And while I can talk a fair amount of assness don’t expect me to always brighten your otherwise depressing Mondays.

So until we meet…keep your head above the water!

Inniss.

The writer of this piece is waiting for the next best thing: The Internet Obeah Man and Betty Crocker Black Cake.
KI

The Axis of Evil.
Mar 18, 2007 9:01 PM

Let me first offer my heartfelt condolences, to the drinkers (my category), the smokers and the gamblers. Of course if our surrogate father Manning has his way we would all be in one category, or on a water-taxi to hell.

I'll be the first to admit that when I read Turner's letter the rest of the budget was lost to me. Everyone that I talked too about it either had one of threee concerns, (all mentioned in the first sentence). I was beginning to wonder if the budget and the billions that is normally discussed and of course wantonly spent had any other key issues, besides Manning playing soft-core Taliban. It was only after I spoke to my Grandmother that I realised that other things were covered that affected other people, namely the pension. As far as she was concerned Manning could have kept his so-called raise, and of course she is lucky that she is in neither of the three main axis-of-evil-doers-and-destruction-of-morals-and-society category. North Korea, Iran and Iraq all safe for now.

I guess the more you live the more you learn. Here I was all this time thinking that the real problem in Trinidad was the blatant corruption by Governmemt officials, the irresponsible spending of the country's money by whoever has the keys to the treasury, insufficient focus on education, the inability of the Government to provide jobs that last longer than "ten days", lack of attention to the health sector, not equipping the protective services with sufficient resources to do an even average job, you know murders, kidnapping and major issues like that. Of course Manning has set more than a million of us straight right? The real problem as it seems are the moral issues that arises out of drinking, smoking and gambling. Who knows, maybe we are really the stupid ones; maybe we should really believe what Manning says. Maybe he has indeed found the solution to our country's problems. I mean look at it this way we could all be wrong and the thirty-six people in Parliament might be the ones with the right answers. After all weren't we the ones that put them there? So tell me who smarter than who? Don't they get us election time, every five years like clock-work? And twice when is 18-18? By the way is it me or is it just pure coincidence that thirty-six seats in Parliament and thirty-six in Play Whe adds up to the same thing: Jackass!

Who would think too that a country that has a budget big enough to manage the Eastern Caribbean could have so much trouble? So anyway, back to the real problem because we could discuss where this all went wrong and the murder rate, some other time. The real issue: where the hell are we going to lime when I get back? What the hell would we be paying for a case of Heineken? And would the Carnival week mean a loan from the bank to see us through to Ash-Wednesday Cool-Off in Manzanilla?

I mean before I left beers was already at an un-godly price and that bothers me alot. I'll be honest, the smoking those not bother me, (sorry Al) and neither does the gambling; even though I have a friend that wonders where he can now safely watch scantly clad girls, without being arrested or worse ending up the main story in a weekly newspapers..a la Sampson Nanton!

But to raise alcohol! Just hold on a cotton-picking minute! What is Hennessy going to cost and Black and White? Somebody with a good maths head work out the percentage thing for me. But sadly I think that for all the so-called insight by Manning the problem is not going to be solved by the raising of alcohol and smokes, or worse the banning of numbers. And somebody better tell him that ...quickly. Truth be told the problems might really get worse. I was in a parlor once, (you know the ones on every corner, in every village, that have everything from Aniseed to Zippers, normally made out of wood, have only one attendant and customer service is not on the top of their to-do-list. Okay let's be honest the only to-do-list they have is if to parcel out the brown sugar before or after Young and Restless and the only way to get attention is with the knocking of the vinyl counter or with a hearty 'Mornin'!).

Anyway, the man was in the parlor buying snacks and bread and yes a pack of cigarettes. Not just tens, God forbid! But twenties! As it was his bill came up more than he bargained and I waited a heart-wrenching three seconds (might have been less), as he decided how to best handle his financial shortcomings. At that stage I would have bet my last two shilling (the part-time gambler in me), that he would downgrade his pack of smokes from twenties to tens. The three seconds of deliberations proved me wrong. The guy calmly replaced the two orchard and the two packs of zoomers that he bought for his children, who were still buzzing like flies around his legs. He did this without missing a beat or breaking a sweat. I can tell you that alot of parents will be making those same wise choices when this Christmas and then Carnival rolls around. We all know how high family values rank now a days. And apart from all the children running around with their own issues, some of them would certainly be hungry too. But let's look on the bright side:at least they won't be drunk!

On water taxis I can't say much. As it is the traffic problem needs addressing, but I am not sure that coming acroos the Gulf at rush hour is the best solution. What would happen if there is an accident out there? As it stands the Government can't properly respond to accidents on land, much less water. And while that helps the South to POS travellers, what about the traffic issues from Arima to POS? Since we are experts at importing things that never really work out for us, we could import the same buses that they use in India; I think that they safely carry 126 or 127 Indians on their way to work in New Delhi. And of course I am using the word safely, very loosely. And the word Indians too.

What beats me too is another point mentioned: of all the people rushing to work during the so-called rush hour, how many of them actually rushes to work in the correct sense. Or for the correct reason? I mean lets be honest, no Government worker rushes to work. Unless something is giving out, like free ham and grog. And well we all know what will happen to that policy. They might rush to lunch or the ole talk in the lunch-room, or rush at the sponsored family day and picnic before all the free food done, and certainly rush home. But rush to work? Never.

I swear that there is this worker in the Ministry of Education that I know. She works 7am-3pm. If you happen to call her house at 6:45am she is still home. In Curepe. And by chance if you happen to call her again at 3:15pm she is home then too. In Curepe. Ask her if she took the day off the answer is always no. Bet she rushes to Patraj on the corner for lunch though. Anyone that uses the Priority Bus Route knows that it is virtually impossible to travel from Curepe to St. Clair in that time. In fact it would take you an hour both ways, even if your Maxi driver drives like an ass and breaks ninteen of the twenty road-safety rules, which for the record is the way they all drive, but that's for another day. And notice that I said Priority Bus Route. That's what it used to be. Now it have more cars on it than the main road so is just the Bus Route. Notice too that it only have three or four working bus at any giving time from Arima to POS. So soon enough it would just be the route. God I miss home.

Anyway people I have to go now. Again my condolences to my fellow drinkers. I guess we will have to start a petition or we will be forced to discuss the failures of our Government while we are sober. God help us. For now I am going to stay on this side of the border, where a Mega of Double-Dogs is $11.99 and cold Heinekens still cost $1.00. Cheers.

Inniss
The writer of this piece is not packing any clothes for home. Just as much drinks that his suitcase can hold. And a life jacket. For the water taxis of course.

KI.